Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Hello again!

Its been a busy couple of days.

I did two half-days, yesterday and today, learning how to be a dispatcher. Its going really well and I answered my first call today. It was a steep learning curve but I managed it with loads of help from Megan (their day-time dispatcher). I'll go back tomorrow morning and will try again. I know I can do this, its just a matter of practicing.

I'm 100% recovered from my flop on the church floor on Sunday. I have a little scratch on my left index finger from the floor tile that'll take a while to heal but seriously, if that's my biggest problem then really, what do I have to complain about?

I've had a bunch of calls from people at church, wanting to be sure I'm ok and pleading with me to forgive our minister for his mistake. It makes me wonder seriously how much of a hard-hearted bitch people take me for! Of course I'll forgive him. Gosh, if I was angry at everyone who ever triggered a seizure, I'd be a really miserable person. I don't have room in my life for that kind of baggage! Jeepers, people.

I've spoken to our minister a couple times and sent him an email, just to stress how much I don't blame him. Sure, he made a less-than-wise move by bringing a camera to church but like I said in my last post, people who are in my daily life still make the same mistake. It takes a lot more than a camera flash to make me hate someone! He's incredibly remorseful and I can tell he still feels bad. I suppose that's natural but I don't like adding to people's guilt.

The part I hate the most, even more than waking up on the floor, is having to deal with a group of people for the first time post-seizure. All they want to do is tell me about my seizure and how they either helped, didn't help, were shocked, dismayed or horrified. I have to re-live the seizure through their eyes about a dozen times and it just makes me mad at myself for putting these amazing people through the trials of a seizure. So I listen to them tell me all of this and then they usually finish by telling me how much they admire me. Its very sweet of them to tell me that they admire and respect me but I can't help but wonder why I can't just have the respect without them having to see me at my absolute worst. *sigh*

Well, onward and upward. There's no sense wallowing in any of this. Its helpful to get it off my chest, though!

I think I'm heading to mom and dad's so dad and I can work on my buffet and hutch with dad. Its really coming together! I can't wait til its finished and I can post pics! First I need to call Jenny, though. Gotta catch up with her.

Moving forward with joy!


  1. It's hard to live with an illness of any kind, but sometimes I think it's harder still to deal with other people's reactions to your illness. I'm bipolar and people have a hard time seeing past that once they find out. I know how you feel about hating people see you at your worst!

  2. Its harsh how people treat you one way before they know your whole story and then completely another way when they have a few more pieces of the puzzle. Its frustrating.
    Fortunately I've weeded out most of the unhelpful people in my life and now, mostly, the people in my life are super fantastic about everything. Still, there are a few who have a hard time coping with me and my drama. haha.
    Thanks for the post!!